23 Tips for Maintaining your Sanity While Living with Children

Ever have one of those days? I mean like one of THOSE days. You know, where you wish it wasn't against the law to duct tape your childrens' mouths shut and THEN duct tape them to the ceiling...in another house??

YES!!!!

Want some tips on surviving these days??

YES!!!!

Look no further - salvation has arrived, in the form of an awesome blog from Alphamom.com:

1. Lower your standards for cleanliness and order.
2. Did that? Lower them even more.
3. Your house will never look like a magazine spread, period. Embrace that.
4. No matter how many baskets you buy to contain toys, they will always be visible.  Embrace the Toys ‘R Us/ frat house-chic decor.
5. You can never have too many popsicles in the freezer. How many bad moods have been fixed by a simple popsicle?
6. If you can’t change them, change your perspective. For example I read recently– probably on Satan’s website Pinterest– that toothpaste is great for cleaning things like faucets. So now when I go into the bathroom every day and see toothpaste splatter all over the bathroom faucet I think about how my children have done half the chore of cleaning for me. How considerate of them! Then I wipe it off while cursing.
7. Those chores that no one ever wants to do. Decide if you would rather do it yourself, badger your child to it, or let it go. If you are confused about what to do, see Number 1 on this list.
8. No one cares what is stuffed under your child’s bed, why should you. Unless it is old food.  In that case, you should get a dog.
9. If you have boys, your bathroom will always faintly stink like pee.  Invest in some Febreeze and count down the days until they move out and you can go visit them and pee on their bathroom floor.
10. Don’t buy white furniture. Unless you enjoy screaming at your children every time they go near it.
11. However bad a situation might seem, one day it will be funny. I have a few for which I am eagerly awaiting for the funny to kick in. Any time now….
12. When your child is a young teen there will be nothing more embarrassing than your very existence. Use this to your advantage. Start planning early.
13. Do not paint any walls in your house with flat paint.
14. Be okay with letting your kids stumble sometimes. Whether that is turning in an assignment late because they didn’t do it or wearing an outfit so hideous you have trouble looking at them without laughing.
15. Noise cancelling headphones are great for blocking out whining, bickering and the endless episodes of Sponge Bob.
16. Socks do not have to match. Every day is Crazy Sock Day at my house, which is infinitely better than Crazy Mom Day.
17. The crayons will break and it is okay to throw them away rather then save them to make some sort of craft that involves the hair dryer. In fact, I give you permission to not feel guilty about all the crafts you know you will never do.
18. Your children will not die from eating the occasional hot dog or frozen pizza. And by occasional I mean more than you are really willing to admit.
19. If your children are driving you crazy arguing with each other, start an argument with them. Then your children will bond over their mutual hatred of you and be quiet.
20. Children do not appreciate top sheets or high thread counts. Buy neither.
21. Homework time is the worst time of the day.  Help your kids and yourself by having a designated time and a quiet place to do homework. Preferably in a neighbor’s home.
22. Just say No to ironing.
23. Last, but not least, a glass of wine and some really bad TV makes everything seem a little better.


{Re-blogged from Alphamom.com - http://alphamom.com/parenting/toddler-parenting/23-exceedingly-helpful-tips-for-maintaining-your-sanity-while-living-with-children/}

Timelines.

This post may or may not make sense. I've been really bad about blogging, and I think it's because I have it in my head that I have to have a witty story line every time I write. Today I don't have anything witty to say. 

I'm sad. My heart hurts for all of the sons and daughters and moms and dads and aunts and uncles and grandmas and grandpas out there experiencing the 11th anniversary of tragic loss. So many people will be looking at their watches and clocks today reliving the timeline. 

8:46 - the first plane hits. Families are destroyed in an instant. Lives gone. Sadly, nobody (except for the terrorists) has any clue of the horrors to come. 

9:03 - the second plane hits. Panic sets in. This is real. Time officially stops for anyone with relatives in the NYC area. 

9:37 - the Pentagon is hit. Military families around the world know what is happening. They've devoted their lives to defending this country, and now command central has been attacked. 

9:59 - the South Tower collapses. Phone lines jam - anyone that hasn't heard from their loved one fears the worst. 

10:07 - a plane crashes in Shanksville, PA, along with some brave men and women who did their best to avoid more loss of life. 

10:28 - the North Tower collapses. Chaos reins. 

To people that have experienced tragic loss, the timeline isn't so much about documenting the events of that day, but a series of 'what ifs' and 'where was I at this moment', or 'what would (loved one) have been doing at this time. It's a gut-wrenching annual ritual of time and space and remembrance. There is no way to make it stop - it plays in your head like a video. 

Tonight I will hug my boys a little tighter, and be thankful that I am here for them.

My life as a stripper....

So my friend JBF texts me this afternoon regarding the 'Laverne and Shirley' predicament I've got myself into, offering to help if she could. She then ads: "This would be a perfect blog entry....I know you prolly aren't ready to laugh at it just yet though". WELL, maybe it's the fumes, the contact buzz, or maybe just the sheer hilarity of the crap that I seem to constantly get myself into, but here goes nothing.

It all started with Pinterest (EVIL EVIL Pinterest) where I come across this GREAT idea for a cool floor:

Beautiful, right? SO, I get started. Brady comes over to the studio to check on me and finds this:

Understandably, he FREAKS. I talk him off the ledge and reassure him that it will be EPIC and he has nothing to worry about! [keeping in mind that his BOSS is my landlord :)] As promised, after a ton of rubber cement and two coats of polyurethane, the floor was AMAZEBALLS!!!!!

Until the next morning when I arrived and all of this gross ugly yellow patches were 'growing' on my beautiful floor!!! GAH!!!!! So, in an attempt to salvage all of my hard work, I decide to just freakin' paint the stupid floor (sulking, after wasting all of my time). I was feeling alright about my decision when DISASTER STRIKES:

As I was moving my equipment back, a light stand SCRAPED MY FLOOR! GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

 So I now realize that a). this flooring is not meant for high-traffic areas, and b). this was a really stupid idea. So guess what I get to do now????

I get to strip off the polyurethane/paper layer, AND the gunky carpet adhesive underneath. So begins my new career as a stripper. Once, (before I had children and stretch marks) I attempted to give Brady a lap dance. Lets just say it was more awkward/funny than it was sexy, so I'm REALLY not looking forward to this new phase in my life. *Sigh* Thanks Jules, I am laughing at the absurdity of it all....

The Lucky One

Better late than never - let me tell you about my awesomesauce Mother's Day!

First, my boys prepared the most delicious breakfast ever! Veggie omelet, bacon and jelly english muffins - yummo!!!!

I was also given some really sweet cards, and a plaque that Gavin made at school:

But wait! There's more! These boys know I love flowers <3

They also pitched in and washed Bessie:

 And then we played with, er, ate some sidewalk chalk.

All in all, it was the best Mother's day EVER!!!! Thanks boys!!!