Poop, science, and naming body parts

Everybody poops. Taboo of a subject as it is, the rules change when you have children. As infants you worry if they are pooping too much or not enough. As Toddlers you just WISH THEY WOULD POOP IN THE POTTY and not elsewhere. As Preschoolers, they simply like to talk about it themselves, as if it were a hobby or some other interesting aspect of the day.

I normally discourage this type of dinner conversation, but since we were sitting out on the deck watching a spider ‘poop’ out his (or her) web, it somehow seemed fitting for Gavin, Brady & I to begin naming other species that ‘poop’ odd things. Like spiderwebs. Or earthworms pooping dirt. And yes, even chickens pooping eggs.

Which, naturally, leads me to my next topic: ‘pooping’ babies.

My son is pretty smart. He’s seen enough of my undie-pant and swimsuit-clad body to know that there just isn’t some trap door they pop out of. And of course the belly-button is way too small. Besides, he’s watched plenty of circle-of-life documentaries on the Discovery Channel to witness countless mommy animals ‘pooping’ out their babies. So I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised the other day when he asked me if it was true if I ‘pooped’ him out when he was born.

After I composed myself from my fit of giggles (and changed the subject VERY quickly), I got to thinking….I always thought I would be one of those matter-of-fact science-y parents who explains everything in proper terms with text book in hand. SURPRISE!!! I’m NOT!!!

Somehow, the thought of a four-year-old having access to that kind of knowledge is very scary to me. And given the obsessive comedy the word ‘wiener’ carries in our household…. right now I am content with the term “pee pee” as an androgynous organ that eliminates urine from both male and female bodies – and does nothing else.

So if you happen to be standing in at the local Wal-Mart, and a little voice rings out loud and clear: “Hey Mom, do all of these ladies have vaginas?” Please note that this is NOT my child.