Angry

Reason, Season or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you figure out which one it is,

You will know what to do for each person

But how do you replace the only person {prior to Brady and my boys} that was always there? The one that never turned his back on you, no matter what the circumstance?

You grieve. You grieve, and then you grieve some more. You get angry. Eventually it gets easier. You look back and smile way more than you cry. You move on. Most days. But there are days {like today} when it all comes flooding back. Grief is raw, red, angry and deep. You want to scream. You want to lash out. You want someone to blame.

But there is nobody. I can’t blame him, he didn’t wake up that morning intent on hurting so many. He didn’t plan on taking our marginally-functioning family and rendering it useless - destroyed completely beyond repair.

On March 26th, 2006 - I was robbed. I was robbed of the only semblance of family that I had. I am angry. I am bitter.

Today, the grief, the memories, the emotions will come in waves - just like they do on this day every year. Once again I relive the timeline. The timeline of events that changed me forever that day.

Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow will be a good day. A better day. But today, today I am angry.