lurking in your bathroom...

It’s time to get real about toilet paper. And I don’t mean like those dumb commercials about ‘getting real’ in the bathroom and pudgy bears with specks of paper on their bottoms either. “OUR paper is soft without being TOO soft.” “Oh yeah? Well OUR paper does the job better, and won’t leave you feeling like you just dremmel-ed your arse!”

Seriously. Do people actually REALLY study these things? Can toilet paper actually be too soft?

Personally, these matters do not concern me. What concerns me is the volume of toilet paper that is consumed in this household. I simply cannot understand how our little family of 3 potty-users (2 of which are male) can go through a roll of toilet paper every 3 days. WHERE DOES IT GO???????

My first thought was that Grayson was eating it. Come on! The kid eats just about anything else. But, he’s not allowed unsupervised in the bathroom 1). Because he will likely eat the potty paper, and 2). He thinks the potty itself is a kiddie-pool.

I briefly toyed with the notion that maybe Max and Erma had learned how to use the toilet, but one look out the back door busted that myth.....

...which leads me to the OBVIOUS conclusion: Potty-paper Gnomes. A distant relative of the Under-pants Gnome, the Potty-Paper Gnome  thrives in the bathrooms of families with small children. This crafty little bugger feeds off the TP roll, causing unsuspecting mothers to question their sanity and monthly budget. There is no cure or ‘icide’ to rid your home of these parasites, however, I am told they will eventually move on once your children learn that they do not need to wipe themselves 24 times per visit.

BEWARE THE POTTY-PAPER GNOME!!!

A family of Ninjas

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Brady just forwarded me the FUNNIEST link, and it got me thinking about how you change when you become a mom. Not just the obvious bodily changes. I'm talking about the enhanced senses of the Ninja Mommy.

Pre-children, I could sleep though a hurricane. Thunderstorms, dogs barking, OTHER PEOPLE'S kids crying, you name it. Ahhhh, those were the days....Now, my sleep patterns are that of a goldfish. Eyes open, waiting on the slightest ripple in the water to send me fleeing from danger. If one of my boys so much as farts in his sleep, I hear it.

I admit it. I sometimes get irritated with Brady. "Didn't you hear the baby last night??????????????" Uggggh. Of course he didn't. Ninja Dads are trained to respond to the call of DANGER. Apparently gassy children don't fall into this category.

You can read the article HERE, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

That's NOT what I meant....

A friend text me this morning, and asked me what I was doing today. I answered: "eh, not much, just ripping and burning the Bible again". WHAT?????????????????????

Brady's Grandmother "Gigi" is 94. A huge accomplishment if you ask me! Anyway, she loves to read, but since she can't see all that well anymore, we had to find a different solution. Last year, we got her a cd player and some audio books. The good news is that the St. Clair County Library system has a whole bunch of audio books. The bad news? She is blowing through Danielle Steele novels like nobody's business.

Since my mother-in-law (Gigi's primary caretaker) is in Florida for the month, Brady has stepped up to help with doctors visits, simple shopping, library runs, etc. After the second library run in one week, Brady suggests to her that she get something that is slightly longer than your average smutty romance novel. So what does he have in mind? The Bible. Great idea. Gigi is interested, and admits that she has never read it, but (since she's 94 and all) it seems that now might be the time to start. Brady agrees to pick it up on his next trip.

Here's where this story gets interesting:

He brings 'the Bible' home and it's SIXTY FOUR AUDIO DISCS. It literally takes up an entire binder. Hmmmm...there's no way she is ever going to be able to get through this before the time to return it, so he has the most awesome idea - we will copy it for her! All 64 discs. Anyone that has ever copied a CD knows that they have to be 'ripped' onto the computer, and then 'burned' onto a blank CD. All 64 discs.

God has blessed my husband with his kind heart, loving personality and will to serve. He was also blessed with a wife that works from home on a computer that has a fast processor that can efficiently rip and burn discs. Yup, I was left holding the bag.

In summary: for the past couple of days I have been not only ripping, but burning the Bible. If the path to Hell is paved with good intentions, then I'm pretty sure that's where I will end up.